First things first, I really hope that I don’t offend anyone with this post. I just feel hurt and stupid that I dated this guy for over a year and somehow didn’t know. Our relationship didn’t end on bad terms and I never hated him. But now I just feel like he lied to me the entire time that we were together. I know that people will say “oh well he was just confused he wasn’t trying to hurt you” and I know that that is partly true. But I still can’t help but feel incredibly stupid right now. What really upsets me is that he didn’t even bother to tell me. I heard this from a close friend. Personally, I feel like he should have told me out of respect. I come from a very small, conservative, close-knit town and I know that everyone is going to be judging the fuck out of me for it. Granted, I shouldn’t be worried about what other people think or are saying about me but sometimes I just can’t help it. This is just one more reason for me to move away and to never come back to this place. Everywhere I go, I see someone that I know or that I went to high school with and I am so over. I am so ready to go explore the world and to get away from all of the negative people that I know. I feel like all they do is bring me down and I desperately need to get away from that.
I just feel lost. I have no one to talk to about this because I feel like everyone is just laughing at me. And deep down, I really do want him to be happy. I don’t have a problem with the fact that he is gay, I just have a problem with the fact that I feel like I was lied to for over a year of my life and I gave in to every minute of it. I’m honestly just at a loss for words.
How. Did. I. Not. Know.