I’ll just cut to the chase on this one: I’m currently stuck between 2 guys. Both are very casual. One is here in Chicago with me, and the other is the guy that I started seeing the last couple of months that I was in my college town and he is not in Chicago with me. I expected both just to be casual, and I figured that since I’m single why not just play the field right now? I once heard someone say that if you are not exclusive with anyone, then you should date around. Because the reality is, if you have not had the “exclusive” talk with someone, then you are probably not the only person that they are seeing. (At least this has been my experience.) Anyways, I decided that for once I was going to play it by this approach because I always only see one person at a time when we are not exclusive and end up getting my feelings hurt. And for once, guess what happened. Both guys are starting to act like they don’t want to keep it so casual.
I’m an extremely low key person, so I’m pretty confident that neither guy thinks that I am seeing someone besides them. This makes me feel guilty as hell. Still, I keep telling myself that until they initiate the conversation, that what I’m doing is not wrong. But aside from that, I’m caught in the dilemma of if I were to have that conversation with them, which one would I choose? Guy 1 has been in my life for about 2 years now and I just thought that if it hadn’t happened yet, then it was never going to happen. But as of lately, he’s been acting very smitten towards me and our relationship has become less about hooking up and more about establishing an actual relationship with one another. He’s hurt me quite a few times and has a reputation for being a playboy. I’ve dated guys like this before and I know that it usually never leads to a positive outcome, but there is so much passion between us that it’s still hard to let go. Intense fights lead to great hookups and the two of us telling each other how much we care for each other. He’s the choice that my heart wants. However, guy 2, is the guy that my head knows that I need. He is sweet, patient, caring. We get along very well and he makes me laugh. I’m happy when I’m with him, but we are long distance, so that’s not very often. I know that overall, I could be happy with him. But the passion is not there. If we I get angry, he listens and we talk it out. There is no intense fight followed by the most passionate kiss I’ve never had in my life. My relationship with him is rational and stable. Guy 1 is anything but.
As I’m writing this, I know that to someone on the outside, the obvious choice is guy 2. He’s a great guy and if I don’t want to get hurt, then he is no doubt what I need. But what is love without passion?
I mentioned in my last post that I rarely meet guys who interest me enough to pursue them and it got me thinking about why that is. I live in a college town of a Big 10 university and am surrounded by over 45,000 other students who are all around my age. I go out to the bars here a lot and hang out at multiple spots around campus, so I’m always surrounded by the opposite sex, it’s not like I just never leave the house and don’t meet anyone new. Not to sound annoying, but I am also young, attractive, and extremely independent so it’s not like guys just aren’t attracted to me either. I get a lot of attention from the opposite sex, but I just don’t ever care enough to try and pursue it. I don’t know why exactly that is and I’ve never noticed it until recently. The more I examine my dating habits, I think I only put in any effort in with people that I feel connected to somehow. If a cute guy is trying to talk to me but I don’t feel an immediate connection with him, then I won’t even bother to finish the conversation. If it’s in person, I’ll make up an excuse to walk away or if it’s over text, I just won’t reply. It kind of sounds like a shitty thing to do, but if I don’t feel like talking to you, no matter who you are, then I just won’t. I’ve been that way for as long as I can remember. Even if it is someone that I feel connected to, if I don’t have anything to say at that moment, then I’m not going to force a conversation with you. I’ll talk to you another time or I’ll say something vague so they won’t feel the need to reply.
When I say that I only will go out of my way to talk to someone if I feel a connection with them, I don’t mean that I’ve been talking to the person for hours and I realize we have so much in common. It has to be instant. It’s hard to explain, but I’ve come across 3 or 4 guys in college that I had never met or even talked to before, but I just felt drawn to them. I felt like I had to go talk to them. And I did. I introduced myself to each one, and all of them have been significant figures in my love life throughout college. None of them really worked out romantically long-term, but for the most part I’m still friends with all of them. I just feel like everyone that I meet here is the same. No one is particularly interesting or of any real substance. And usually if someone does seem unique it’s all a show and they are in fact trying to purposely be different, it’s not like it comes naturally for them. All of the guys here look the same. Everyone is over privileged and aware of it and also rude about it. No one here has to work hard for what they have because they all have connections and are guaranteed spots in life that will lead them to be successful. No one wants anything real, they just want to party and see who can get more likes on Instagram pictures. Everybody just wants to hook up and keep it casual. None of these things are me. I love living here and going to college here, don’t get me wrong. But there are just very few people here that I relate to. It’s hard to try and build relationships on that.
Maybe that’s why I want to move to Chicago so bad. Because even though it is also a city filled with a lot of people like that, it is also a city filled with people who worked their way from the bottom to get where they are. It’s a city with people who didn’t grow up in a world where everything always seemed to go their way. With people who have had genuine life experiences that have shaped them as a person and made them become someone of substance. That’s what I crave in another person. And it’s not something that I can find here.
I recently saw a blog challenge on one of the blogs that I follow and decided to do it because it will keep me writing everyday. The first topic is something that I write about quite often; my current relationship status.
I am not currently in a relationship. But I kind of am. I don’t know. It’s complicated?
So the guy that has me in my feels is currently living in Chicago; about 4 hours away from me. We met last October at the college that we both went to at the time, and have been seeing each other regularly since the end of November. We’ve never used labels and we’re very laid back with each other, but he’s still the only guy I’ve been seeing for the past 8 months or so. As far as I know, I’m the only girl that he’s seeing, but since we’ve never established that we’re fully committed to each other and I’ve never asked, I’m not positive. He’s everything that I’ve ever wanted in another person. He’s intelligent as hell, driven, successful, level headed, down to earth, he constantly makes me laugh, remembers the little details, is a great listener, so so handsome, and the sex is fantastic. But, it’s just not the right time for us to be together. I’m still finishing school and he’s working a 9 to 5 job in a city 4 hours away. I want to be with him, but it just doesn’t make sense right now. I hope that one day it will make sense and that we can be together, but now just isn’t the time. After school, I plan on moving out to Chicago to live with my sister for awhile before I get my own apartment in the city. Maybe then it could work out, but it’s not something that I’m counting on. I like him more than I like to admit, but for now, I’m trying to just go with it and whatever happens, happens.
It seems like the older I am getting, the more of my friends are getting into relationships that are extremely time consuming and serious. I fully support them all, and for the most part, I am good friends with all of their significant others as well as with them. Personally, I have not been in relationship in a little over two years. I have spent a ton of my time with a couple of different guys over this period of time, but we never officially labeled ourselves as a couple. Maybe it’s because I have not been in relationship that was labeled as such in so long, but I still can’t seem to figure out why young people neglect their friendships when they start getting serious with someone else.
I fully understand that when a friend starts dating someone that you will not see them as much as you once did because part of their time is now dedicated to the person that they are in a relationship with. However, what I do not understand is how people completely stop putting an effort into their friendships when they start dating someone. It’s heartbreaking to me to watch it happen with so many people that I was once close to. Friends with always be there. But relationships don’t always work out. I just wish that friendships were values as much as relationships are.