Typing with a full set is harder than it sounds

I’ll just cut to the chase on this one: I’m currently stuck between 2 guys. Both are very casual. One is here in Chicago with me, and the other is the guy that I started seeing the last couple of months that I was in my college town and he is not in Chicago with me. I expected both just to be casual, and I figured that since I’m single why not just play the field right now? I once heard someone say that if you are not exclusive with anyone, then you should date around. Because the reality is, if you have not had the “exclusive” talk with someone, then you are probably not the only person that they are seeing. (At least this has been my experience.) Anyways, I decided that for once I was going to play it by this approach because I always only see one person at a time when we are not exclusive and end up getting my feelings hurt. And for once, guess what happened. Both guys are starting to act like they don’t want to keep it so casual.

I’m an extremely low key person, so I’m pretty confident that neither guy thinks that I am seeing someone besides them. This makes me feel guilty as hell. Still, I keep telling myself that until they initiate the conversation, that what I’m doing is not wrong. But aside from that, I’m caught in the dilemma of if I were to have that conversation with them, which one would I choose? Guy 1 has been in my life for about 2 years now and I just thought that if it hadn’t happened yet, then it was never going to happen. But as of lately, he’s been acting very smitten towards me and our relationship has become less about hooking up and more about establishing an actual relationship with one another. He’s hurt me quite a few times and has a reputation for being a playboy. I’ve dated guys like this before and I know that it usually never leads to a positive outcome, but there is so much passion between us that it’s still hard to let go. Intense fights lead to great hookups and the two of us telling each other how much we care for each other. He’s the choice that my heart wants. However, guy 2, is the guy that my head knows that I need. He is sweet, patient, caring. We get along very well and he makes me laugh. I’m happy when I’m with him, but we are long distance, so that’s not very often. I know that overall, I could be happy with him. But the passion is not there. If we I get angry, he listens and we talk it out. There is no intense fight followed by the most passionate kiss I’ve never had in my life. My relationship with him is rational and stable. Guy 1 is anything but.

As I’m writing this, I know that to someone on the outside, the obvious choice is guy 2. He’s a great guy and if I don’t want to get hurt, then he is no doubt what I need. But what is love without passion?

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One big ugh

I hate the idea of the person that I want to be with being with someone else. It scares me more than anything to think that it’s possible for another girl to make him happier than I can. We already discussed our feelings for each other and we both agreed that now isn’t the right time for us to be together. It’s unreasonable and it just wouldn’t work with the distance, time change, and conflicting schedules. I know all of this and I agreed to it, so why does it hurt so bad to know he is seeing other people. It sounds so selfish. But I really can’t help it. Even if we go days without talking, it’s not long before he calls or texts and checks in with me. It’s like he can’t stop coming back. And I’m the same way. If I’m with someone else, he’s who I’m really thinking about. I know it’s the same for him. But the problem is that I don’t even want to give others the time of day, meanwhile he’s seeing other people all of the time. I’m 100% aware that I’m wasting my time, yet I still can’t bring myself to stop. I’m so over being this way.