If she cuts her hair, then she’s really over you.

For some reason, when you’re getting over someone, it helps and it makes you feel better, to make some drastic change to your appearance. I’ve talked to a handful of my girl friends and they all agreed and said that they do the same, so I know I’m not alone in this. My only explanation for this, is that you are taking away something that was a part of you while you were with this other person, or you are adding something to yourself that they never experienced when they were with you. For example, after calling it quits with a guy who I used to date, I chopped off 10 inches of my hair. He loved my long hair, and cutting it off felt like it was the final straw in also cutting him out of my life. I was letting go of something that reminded me of him. I was changing my appearance so that it would be different than the time that I spent with him. I remember spending hours laying in bed with him after we had both finished classes for the day. He’d play with my hair ¬†as I lay my head on his chest or push it back gently behind my ear as it fell in my face when I leaned in to kiss him. So when I chopped it off, it was like I was letting go of those moments that I thought of so often. I was doing what I could to assure myself that if I ever found myself with someone else, those things wouldn’t happen and I wouldn’t think of him. The same way when I broke up with my high school boyfriend of 2 years, I got my nose pierced. It wasn’t a huge change, but it was something that was unfamiliar to him. I knew that the next time that I saw him, he wouldn’t recognize that part of me. It was my way of saying, whether you are in my life or not, I’ll still move on. You do not make my decisions for me, and there are parts of me that you will never know. I will grow and I will change, and it will be without you.

This came to mind because I’m currently going through this again and trying to decide what major change to make to myself. Maybe I’ll cut my hair again or maybe I’ll get another piercing or maybe I’ll do both. More updates to come.

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i’m changing like the seasons

I’ve been feeling a major sense of change lately as I discussed in my last post, but I’m starting to think that maybe it goes deeper than the seasons. I think it has a lot to do with the changes taking place with my family, my love life, and just with myself in general as I’m starting to get older and I’m about to graduate college. The other day, my horoscope told me that it’s time for me to embrace and to “change my sheets.” I think that the change my sheets part was a metaphor for ridding my life of the things that I’m still holding on to. I’ve been holding on to this little piece of hope for months now hoping that things will work out with the guy that I’m in love with. We both keep trying to make it work, and every time he says he’s done, he always comes back. And I do the same. But with the time change and the distance and him getting our of work when I go into work and vice versa, it feels impossible. Still, I’ve been patient. I’ve been understanding. I’ve given him space to figure things out. All the while, I’ve been ignoring the fact that it has to stop at some point because it’s really starting to take a toll on my happiness. I think he’s realized this too and knows that it’s time to move on. I think I’m finally ready to move on. I know that it’s going to be crazy hard, but hopefully within a couple months, I’ll feel better about it. So I’m trying to “change the sheets of my life.” As far as my family goes, I’m trying to grow in my relationships with my mom and brother which life has taken a toll on recently. I’m trying to go visit my sister more and to spend more time with my little nephew. I think right now it would be best for me to just focus on school and work and my family. I think it will help me take my mind off of my love life situation and just allow me to be happier in the long run.