It’s one of those Sundays where the only thing that I want to do is lay in bed, light some candles, make a huge cup of tea, and watch movies all day. It’s also one of those days where I’m trying really hard to be positive, but my anxiety is taking over and the only thing that I can think of is things that I wish I wouldn’t have said/done in the past. One of those days when I feel constantly worried, but I can’t exactly pinpoint what it is that I’m worried about. It’s one of those days when writing is the only way that I feel like expressing myself because I don’t have to physically speak to anyone and sometimes that’s nice.
It’s been a rough summer thus far. Yesterday, it felt like my entire world was crashing down around me. I woke up in the mood to be happy. I made a cup of coffee, started listening to my favorite podcast and was writing a blog post about my sex and the cityesque friendship. When I got my first dreaded phone call. After that a string of events happened that just made me feel like everyone was out to get me. I’m annoyed with myself as I write this, because I feel whiny. Like I want someone to read it and feel sorry for me. But I don’t. I don’t want that at all. I just want everyone to stop asking me why I’m not happy and for treating me like I’m just being dramatic when I can’t find happiness in pointless shit that is what my everyday life has become. There was a point yesterday when I was so upset that I thought to myself, “it’s always going to be like this. it’s never going to get better.” I decided to go outside for some fresh air and to take a puff or two of a cigarette (an awful habit that I’ve picked up lately because of being so stressed out. I wanna say that I’m going to stop doing it soon, but as I’m writing this I can’t stop thinking about how great one sounds). As I was sitting on my porch, feeling the sunlight on my face and the peacefulness of the breeze, I realized that even though it felt like everything in my life was coming to a halt, nothing else in the world had stopped. Every other person was still going about their day, the wind was still blowing and the sun was still shining. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own problems that I forget that there is so much more out there. And things will somehow always work themselves out. I just need to stop freaking out and take a deep breath. Life doesn’t stop for us, so we shouldn’t stop just because it’s not going our way.