I haven’t been writing at all lately because I’ve been so caught up in my everyday life. I found out about two weeks ago that the guy I’m crazy about was coming back to our college town to visit and I pretty much zoned out after that and it was my only focus. He came down for the first tailgate of the year. I got the weekend off of work and he bounced between staying with me and staying with his friends that he hadn’t seen much since he graduated. I spent the entire two weeks leading up to him coming obsessing over getting to spend time with him. I was so happy all weekend with him. Now that he went back to his hometown, I really can’t explain how I feel. I’m so glad that I got to see him, but I feel so uneasy at the same time because I have no idea when the next time that I see him will be. Our schedules are so conflicting and our lives are so different right now that it’s so hard to even plan ahead. Not only that, but the fact that we aren’t putting a label on our relationship makes it even more frustrating because being 200 miles away from him for weeks at a time drives me crazy when I don’t know what he’s doing. I don’t mean that in a jealous or possessive way at all. I just let my imagination run wild sometimes and make up all these scenarios in my head that could be happening. I’m trying so hard to do my own thing while he’s away since we aren’t exclusive. But I don’t want to. I just want him. Even though I know that even if we did try right now it wouldn’t work. It’s unreasonable, but when we’re together I feel better than I ever have before. I can truly say that I can imagine myself waking up next to him in a little apartment when we’re thirty and still wanting no one else beside him. It’s the type of feeling that I don’t think comes around very often and that’s why I’m having so much trouble letting it go. For as much as we keep in contact, I know that it’s more for him too. I am just doing my best to make all of the best decisions for myself right now. I’m trying so hard to put myself first and to better myself in my everyday life. I want to be successful and grow as a person before anything serious happens between us. Hopefully if I keep working on myself and my own happiness without him, everything will eventually fall into place. My fingers are crossed.