Up until college, every school that I had attended was very small, conservative, and Catholic. All of the families that went their had sent their children there for generations and it was predominantly wealthy. Everyone knew everyone’s business, constantly gossiped, and judged everyone and everything like there was no tomorrow. It was literal hell growing up in that environment. It has also made me super self conscious and worsened my anxiety. It has made me so self conscious, that I constantly feel like people are judging every move that I make. I question what I wear in public, how my hair and makeup look, my weight, what I eat, what I say and when I say it; basically every thing down to how I walk. I have noticed it a lot lately, and sometimes I don’t even leave the house because my anxiety is so bad about. It wasn’t until I left that town and moved to college that I realized how a lot of other people really aren’t like that, or at least to the extent of what I was experiencing. I know now that yes, some people are always judging, but for the most part, everybody else is just doing their own thing and don’t really give a shit about what random strangers are doing. I’m trying so hard not to be irrational and to just not care, but it is such a hard habit to break because I was conditioned to do it my entire life. It’s getting especially hard as of lately though because I’m trying so hard to live for me and me only and to do whatever I want whenever. I’m still working on not letting it hold me back. But it’s a little frustrating.
Seriously though, why take the time and energy out of your own life to judge others when most of the time what they’re doing is not even affecting you? It’s makes no sense to me. That takes away so much of your own happiness and makes room for so much negativity. It’s SO dumb and pointless. Anyways I’ll stop ranting. Updates to come.