I’ve had a couple hard breakups. Breakups where I knew why we broke up. I knew what went wrong and I knew why it was ending. Whether it be from being cheated on or from my boyfriend just turning into a straight up asshole. I’ve also had breakups that made me happier and made my life seem carefree and exciting. And then I’ve had ones where we never officially “broke up.” We just kind of stopped talking. I wasn’t given a reason and I didn’t know why. I didn’t want it to happen, I just knew that I couldn’t stop it. We ended up in much different places than where we started and we couldn’t find our way back. We also couldn’t find the right words to tell each other. So we just let it go. No closure, no reason. We just did.
I’ve come to find that these are the worst types of breakups. Sometimes I’m not even sure if it qualifies as a breakup because we weren’t officially dating. But the label doesn’t really matter in these types of situations. If you lose touch with someone who was in your everyday life and you deeply cared about them, it hurts.
You don’t always know the reason for these breaks, so you’re just left guessing what went wrong. Not knowing is the hardest part. Not knowing if it was you or if it was him. Really all that you know is that you won’t be getting a call back and it won’t ever be the way that it used to be. Sometimes you might even try to reach out again, and still not get a reply. When this happens, I’m not sure what’s worse; not getting a reply or wondering what the reply would have been if you did get one.
Personally, I need closure when going through any type of breakup. I need to understand why it happened so that I can feel okay with it. But when you don’t get a reason, all you can do is try to forget.