A little self criticism

I had a late night out last night and crashed at my good friends’ apartment. This morning, as I sat with both of them on their couch extremely hungover and still in last nights clothes and smeared eyeliner, as we watched the O.C.and ate mac & cheese with chopped up pieces of hot dogs in it. I don’t remember exactly what it was that was said, but something that my friend Marte said made me think: why do I look for meaning or a lesson in everything? I know that a lot of people do it, but I am extremely bad about it. I often find myself wanting to romanticize everything. If something bad happens, I often look for a reason as to why the universe put me in this situation. I am an avid believer that everything happens for a reason. I mean why else would I have ran into the guy that I randomly met one night so many times until we eventually made plans to hang out? Why else would everything go wrong all at once? Why else would I have randomly been placed in an apartment right across from where 3 of the girls who I now consider to be some of my closest friends lived just by chance? The list goes on, but I’m sure you get the idea of what I’m saying. I personally believe that some things probably do happen for a reason in the unknown scheme of things. Or at least I want to believe that. But, some things probably don’t have a reason for happening. Maybe everything just went wrong because I made a shitty choice and not because the world is out to get me. I like to look at the bright side of every situation. Even when I’m in a shitty mood, I’d like to think that there is a lesson or underlying reason for whatever happened. I think that it’s just comforting. Even if we know in the back of our minds that sometimes it really is just random chance that things happen, it’s nice to think that life’s deeper than that.

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